Thursday, December 4, 2014

Trust in God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I have always thought of myself as an independent person. I'm not afraid to do my own thing, and I am not easily swayed by pressures of my peers. Generally, I like to be unique and try new things. I love the opportunity to go on an adventure and see the world from a different angle. I do not like feeling as if I need to depend on others, either. Sometimes in group projects, I am the one to do the entire project because I want it done and I like knowing it is complete.

I think it is common for followers of Christ to feel fully dependent on God when we are struggling. We read our Bible more, focus on Him, and turn to God for help when the going gets tough. I can say this definitely applies to me. On the reverse, when life is good, I am happy, and things seem to go well, I find myself being less dependent on Him. When I get busy with school, life, and friends, I find myself spending less time with God and more time doing things that distract me from Him.

Right now, life seems to be okay. I was able to spend a lovely 9 days at home with my family and friends, school is almost over, and I love being at K-state. Even though life is smooth sailing right now, I should not take that so much for granted. I have realized how blessed I am with amazing people in my life, wonderful opportunities, and that is all because of God's overflowing abundance. Nothing makes me happier and more complete than knowing how much I am loved when I know I am completely unlovable. I make mistakes, do things that break God's heart, and turn away from Him constantly. Yet I am given continuous blessings and I am so lucky; God is so good. His grace and love is something I wish to match and share with others, but I fail constantly.

One of the best ways for me to remind myself how badly I need God is to remember a time I was completely vulnerable and in need of God's presence. It makes me realize how far I have come and grown through Him. This summer at YoungLife camp, we were at a rock-climbing wall--the kind that is outside and several stories tall. I am not normally afraid of heights and have rock climbed a ton in my life. I could go as far to say I really enjoy it, even. As we began putting on the gear, an uneasy feeling came over me. I was getting really anxious as I watched a few girls go before me. I watched them reach the top and realized just how far up we had to go.

Finally, it was my turn to go. My palms were so sweaty and I was incredibly nervous. I was so shaken up, and it freaked me out that I was so anxious. Looking back, I realized that God was trying to teach me a lesson here. YoungLife camp is all about growing your faith, and this was my moment that I will never forget!

I began climbing, and it was easy at first. But about halfway up, the wall is designed to become more and more difficult. I'm not that tall, so the "rocks" got more and more spread out, and they were much harder to reach. I remember at one point I looked down and just panicked. I had to stop for a few seconds and I found myself saying a prayer because I was so shaken up. I was past the point of being annoyed that I was so anxious and I just wanted to feel better. After I took a few seconds, I began climbing again. I found myself repeatedly saying, "God is with me, He won't let me fall". Even though I was attached to a rope and the belay girl was down below supporting me, I could not put my trust in a person. It did not bring me the peace I was looking for to tell myself that she had me down below. I needed to place every ounce of my trust in God.

I eventually reached the top of the wall and I was so relieved. I was so happy to be at the top and to just be done. I had tackled the rock wall and I was really glad I didn't give up, even though I was totally freaked out. All the struggle and fear was worth it because I was able to have a bird's eye view of the entire camp -- nestled among mountains in Georgia. I was able to get a view and another example of just how wonderful God is. At this point, I was overwhelmed, too.

It sounds dramatic, but I think God was proving to me at this point, just how badly I needed Him. It was a little lesson that I treasure and love to look back on at moments when my trust is not fully in Him. You cannot do life without Him, that is the simple truth. I have noticed a way God likes to work in me is to let me have a complete breakdown and it teaches me that I have to trust Him. Even though it feels like things are in shambles, He wants us to trust that He has a better future and a perfect plan, if we would just give Him total control and trust. If that isn't the most refreshing thing you've ever heard! We can never repay Jesus for all that we've been given, but trying to live your life in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to God is a good start. Every second is a gift from God and I want to live every one for Him to the best of my ability.



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